Mr Monk and the Philosophers Stone
by Luke Attmey
Summary: Monk is dropped on Privet drive and becomes the Professor of Muggle Logic
1. The Man Who Randomly Appeared on Privet

Disclaimer: I am the unfortunate non-owner of Monk and Harry Potter.

Mr. Monk and the Philosophers Stone

Mr. Vernon Dursley of 4 Privet Drive hated nothing more than something out of place. That is precisely why he was horrified as he opened his front door on a fine Tuesday morning to find a man, who even his wife would have a hard time finding something wrong with. It was for that reason that he was out of place. One could always find something wrong with another person if you lived on Privet Drive.

"Um, good morning sir, ar-are you looking for a relative's house?" asked Vernon, praying that Petunias loony sister hadn't given married into this man's family to deliberately annoy him and all who respected the normality of the world.

"I-I don't know"

"Wonderful" Vernon muttered to himself. "Listen why don't you just stay here and I'll call an ambulance for you."

"W-wait," Said the man pulling an all to familiar looking letter from his pocket he read the address and looked at number 4. "This is for you." handing Vernon a letter addressed to

V. Dursley

4 Privet Drive

Dear Mr. Dursley

We ask that you look after this man until the start of term you may drop him off at the station with Mr. Potter.

Sincerely Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Headmaster of Hogwarts schools of Witchcraft and Wizardry

" NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THESE, THESE… LETTERS." The last word was said like it was the worst word in the world. "I DON'T CARE WHO SENT YOU, GO, LEAVE, SHOE, I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS I JUST DON'T WANT ANYTHING MORE TO DO WITH THESE PEOPLE!" At this point all the occupants of all the houses for a mile were awake and on their front porches, unfortunately this included the family living at 15 Privet Drive. The occupants of 15 Privet Drive were a family that was almost abnormal; they were convinced that every house around them wanted to rob their house. So no one was too shocked when 17 year old Timothy Nelson brought a stun-gun, aimed, and fired it at Mr. Dursley.

An hour later Vernon awoke to see the man on the street in HIS kitchen cleaning HIS dishes and HIS wife gawking at how easily that, that, that, abnormality cleaned. He had, had enough of this.

"**, **OUT, OUT, OUT, I'm not tolerating a home inanition."

"Vernon" said Petunia "I can't make him leave"

"And why is that dear." Vernon said in his most dangerous tone ever.

"Watch" Petunia led the man to the front door opened it and adjusted the angle of the welcome mat. Immediately the man was trying to leave the house. For some strange reason he was desperately trying to correct the angle that the mat was at.

"I just don't understand it" said Petunia.

"What the man or why he can't leave?" replied her husband. Then it hit him, the boy "OI BOY GET DOWN HERE, NOW."

A boy with untidy black hair slowly came down the stairs.

"What" he asked

"Tell this man to leave, now." However before Harry could say anything the man was on the stairs next to him.

"Um, your hair is-"

"Everywhere, yeah I get that a lot from those two." The boy said pointing at his aunt and uncle.

"H-have you ever tried to co-"

"We can't comb it."

"H-how about getting rid of it all together?" the man said in a pleading tone.

"Won't work" said the small boy proudly.

The man was beginning to look like he was about to have some type of seizure and that would be the last thing the Dursleys wanted to happen in their hall.

"Petunia, did you get the Nelson's stun-gun?" Vernon asked his wife in a whisper.

"Yes, I have it right here in case something goes wrong with, him." She pointed at the now crying man on their staircase.

"Petunia, hand me the stun-gun." So she did. Vernon then took quick and vengeful aim and fired it at the sobbing man on the stairs satisfaction coursing through him. Vernon Dursley spent the next thirty minuets arguing with his nephew about where he should go. Harry Potter won the fight after threatening to add ears to the tail that the Durslys son Dudley had recently acquired. And that is how Adrian Monk took up the guest room of 4 Privet Drive. The tale that follows is the adventure that he had with Harry Potter.


	2. Mr Monk and the Man in the Fire

For disclaimer see chapter 1 and I apologize for the long gap that fans have had to wait for chapter 2 was on vacation in Peru and was much to busy to write-Luke Attmey

"Have a nice school year boy" Vernon Dursley chuckled as he gave one last vengeful glare at the man who had invaded their house. On the morning of September the First Vernon Dursley had helped load all of his nephew's things into the back of the car and then went to get their guest. After much coaxing Mr. Monk finally left the now immaculate guest room down the stairs and into the car. That is when he preformed a series of acts that got him another dosage from the Nelson family's stun-gun. These acts included refusing to sit anywhere but the right hand seat, complaining that the steering wheel was on the wrong side of the car, and attempting to remove the spot of jam from uncle Vernon's mustache. He and Harry Potter now stood at the entrance to Kings Cross Station watching the Dursley family guffawing as they drove off.

Mr. Monk was not sure what to do to his left was a boy whose cloths didn't fit properly and had a head of hair that was as tidy as the station which was a night terror within a night terror.

"Let's see if we can find what train we need to board." Harry suggested.

"Absolutely not" Monk said flatly and porously looking anywhere but at Harry's head. "There is no way on this earth that I am getting on one of those, those things."

But Harry wasn't paying any more attention to the man who had made his uncle so mad he had just heard a very interesting comment from a woman with flaming red hair.

"I think the train this way Mr. Nun or what ever your name is" Harry called as he ran after the lady who had made the comment "Same every year, full of muggles, incredible none of us have been spotted."

Harry and Monk caught up with the group of people just as one ran into a wall. But the coalition that was inevitable never came the boy with red hair just vanished.

"How did he do that" Harry and Monk asked in unison. Then Mr. Monk put his hands up as though he was a blind man feeling around. He then began searching the station.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked.

"I am looking for the mirrors." Mr. Monk explained, as though it were obvious. At that moment a very grumpy looking man poked his head out of the wall.

"Oi you Monk?" he asked. Monk looked astonished and then replied

"Yes." Monk replied. As this was said an arm reached out and a hand with a very clean glove on it grabbed Mr. Monk pulling him through the wall.

"Now if you would be so kind as to follow me everything will be explained." Mr. Monk was lead to what looked like an old guards room and after Argus Filch opened the door he entered. The moment he did he whished he hadn't for before him there was a man's head floating in green fire.

"Hello Mr. Monk. My name is Albus Dumbledore I am the Headmaster of a school called Hogwarts there gifted young children such as your parents learn Magic."

Monk looked like he was about to have a seizure again.

"Unfortunately you like Mr. Filch here do not posses the gift you parents did. However we see it fit that you have some part in our world. I have recently come to a conclusion that our students have no form of logical thinking in their daily lives and so I am intrusting you to teach them what they need to know to live and be able to act logically."

Mr. Monk stared at Professor Dumbledore blankly for a full minute before asking. "Where is the nice man with the stun-gun?"

"Mr. Filch I believe it is time for Professor Monk to be welcomed back to our world."

"Right Professor" said the old man, the room filled with a purple mist and Mr. Monk (now Professor Monk) faded into unconsciousness.

Authors note: again please excuse the long wait Peru was great and I will update again ASAP-Luke Attmey


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